oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Enjoy the penises
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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