How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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