apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
