I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
