i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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