Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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