me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
