God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
