i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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