Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just invented taco cereal.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
