Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
