I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
