I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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