i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
