lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
