This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
