what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
