you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
