If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
