Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
