i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
