I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
