Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
