Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh god it's open bar.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
