Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
