Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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