There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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