I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
