3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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