Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
