Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
