I'm jealous of your bromance
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
