I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
dude. I can hear the air.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
