By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
