You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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