Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Randomize
