ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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