I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
did i walk over a car last night?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
