.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
