like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
