I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
