i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
