So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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