He asked to "fluff my boner.."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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