I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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