I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
