Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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