Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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