I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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