i would punch a child for taco bell
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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