I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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