Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
