Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
