I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
